I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
