I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is the high leading the old right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
