I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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