Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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