somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
