did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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