after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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