Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
