I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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