You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
