he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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