so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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