I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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