i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
