This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
