Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
