so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
