Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize