Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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