No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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