omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
