I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The air taste purple.
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