quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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