He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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