I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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