When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
