Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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