Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
