That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
