He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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