What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
