I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
