there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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