I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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