I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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