first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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