dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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