Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
