whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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