This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
