i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
