here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
