Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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