i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
