we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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