Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
