I must be too annoying 4 u.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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