He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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