see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize