why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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