K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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