The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
