There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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