I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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