Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
