And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
