'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
