so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
