Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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