I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
