Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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