I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
