You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
