P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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