I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
