I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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