Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
