oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
