So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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