Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
