So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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