So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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