my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
