I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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