I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
