why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
