Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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