DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
