If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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