im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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