Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
