i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
