He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
