you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
